The Code
Chapter 3 - Communication
Speak clearly, assertively, and unapologetically.
Speak clearly, assertively, and unapologetically.
Chapter 3 - Communication
Verbal and non-verbal communication skills are vital tools of expression and influence if you are to be classically masculine. The latter was covered in Chapter 2, so the focus for this chapter is verbal communication.
Clear, confident speech conveys strength and leadership, which are two traits often associated with classical masculinity. A man who can articulate his thoughts clearly and confidently can inspire, guide, and influence others, be it in a workplace, a family, with friends, or a community setting.
And interestingly enough, there are often situations where your silence can be more persuasive than any point you are trying to prove.
So pay attention to how you speak: your cadence, your clarity, and be sure to not rush. Working on the important communication techniques detailed in this chapter will make you come across as more masculine, allow you to command more respect, and this will make you more attractive. And always remember, it is not necessarily what you say, it is how you say it, if you say anything at all.
3.1 Verbal communication
- Be direct. If want to ask somebody out to lunch, rather than say, “Errrr… I was thinking… ummm… if you wanted to… we could go for lunch next week… if you think that’s a good idea, and umm.. only if you want to,” just say, “I would like to take you out for lunch. Are you available Thursday at 11:30?” It’s really that simple. To be masculine is to be direct.
- Speak softly. In a world where many people are shouting for attention, a gentleman remains soft-spoken, which is to say you keep your volume to a reasonable volume. It makes you sound calm and composed as you speak. As a gentleman, you do not raise your voice.
- Speak slowly and clearly. It is not only okay to take a few seconds to think before you speak, it is the right thing to do. And when you speak, don’t hurry, take your time, and please avoid using fillers such as errrrr… ummmm… Equally important is to steer clear of the trendy, cliché “TikTok” lingo. Keep your vocabulary classic.
- Listen more; speak less. Do not interrupt somebody who is talking to you. Be attentive as he or she speaks to you, by making good eye contact and gestures of understanding. You will know/feel when it is the right time for you to speak.
- Pause. Introduce a 2-3 second pause every now and again as you speak.It adds suspense to what you say and keeps someone listening engaged. You can call this a think-time pause, which allows you find the right words to say instead of filling gaps with nonsense filler words.
- Stop saying more than is necessary. If you are asked a question, answer it concisely and leave it at that. Too many men nowadays feel the need to elaborate on points that aren’t necessary. If your boss asks you when will the slide deck be delivered to him, it is better to reply with, “You will see it before noon this Thursday,” than to ramble on with, “Well, I hope to get it to you later this week, maybe noon Thursday because I only have 5 or 6 more slides to wrap up, and for 2 of them I’m waiting on some feedback from Susan, who is on vacation tomorrow, so we’ll see.”
- Remember the name. When you meet somebody and you hear his or her name, remember it. Address that person by his or her name without being overbearing or creepy about it. It shows respect
3.1 Verbal communication
- Be direct. If want to ask somebody out to lunch, rather than say, “Errrr… I was thinking… ummm… if you wanted to… we could go for lunch next week… if you think that’s a good idea, and umm.. only if you want to,” just say, “I would like to take you out for lunch. Are you available Thursday at 11:30?” It’s really that simple. To be masculine is to be direct.
- Speak softly. In a world where many people are shouting for attention, a gentleman remains soft-spoken, which is to say you keep your volume to a reasonable volume. It makes you sound calm and composed as you speak. As a gentleman, you do not raise your voice.
- Speak slowly and clearly. It is not only okay to take a few seconds to think before you speak, it is the right thing to do. And when you speak, don’t hurry, take your time, and please avoid using fillers such as errrrr… ummmm… Equally important is to steer clear of the trendy, cliché “TikTok” lingo. Keep your vocabulary classic.
- Listen more; speak less. Do not interrupt somebody who is talking to you. Be attentive as he or she speaks to you, by making good eye contact and gestures of understanding. You will know/feel when it is the right time for you to speak.
- Pause. Introduce a 2-3 second pause every now and again as you speak.It adds suspense to what you say and keeps someone listening engaged. You can call this a think-time pause, which allows you find the right words to say instead of filling gaps with nonsense filler words.
- Stop saying more than is necessary. If you are asked a question, answer it concisely and leave it at that. Too many men nowadays feel the need to elaborate on points that aren’t necessary. If your boss asks you when will the slide deck be delivered to him, it is better to reply with, “You will see it before noon this Thursday,” than to ramble on with, “Well, I hope to get it to you later this week, maybe noon Thursday because I only have 5 or 6 more slides to wrap up, and for 2 of them I’m waiting on some feedback from Susan, who is on vacation tomorrow, so we’ll see.”
- Remember the name. When you meet somebody and you hear his or her name, remember it. Address that person by his or her name without being overbearing or creepy about it. It shows respect
Masculine speech has character
and purpose. It is clear,
concise, and bold.
Masculine speech has character
and purpose. It is clear,
concise, and bold.
"The less you say, the stronger and more intimidating you become. Embrace silence - it is often more powerful than trying to prove a point."
- Code of Manhood
We are here to help
That is what men doIf you have any questions about how to master any of the techniques presented in this chapter, we encourage you to join the Code of Manhood online community where you can reach out and other members and the CoM editors who will be pleased to help point you in the right direction.
Lives Transformed
From boys who say far more than they need to and overuse filler words, to those who convey their message precisely and clearly at a steady pace.
More to Go
Together, we can transform the world for the betterment of all people and many societies, by fostering and celebrating the return of classic masculinity… one man at a time.